The Rant
by MissyJetteProductions
Summary: If you love Avatar, you know how much it can fail. Especially when you insert an Iroh with dreadlocks and a Chinese Hallroo into the deal. Missy and Jette rant on their own talk show.
1. The End

Hello. Welcome to the Rant.

**TODAY'S RANT**

**The End**

Jette:"Hello, welcome to the Rant."

Missy:"You can buy your refreshments and sugary needs over at the counter at the counter over there." _do YOU have sugary needs?_

J: "Today, we are ranting about the end. I mean, come ON, THREE SEASONS! The show is about four anyway. FOUR elements, FOUR nations (yes, i KNOW the airbenders are dead, but aang is still there so SHMEE!) FOUR friends, (until suki came in and complicated crap, she was in like, four episodes and now she's a main character? Do you know the crap Toph went through to be accepted as a main character? do they just expect us to accept Suki? And I KNOW about Zuko, but he's too awesome to be limited as part of the Gaang. He became the Firelord, anyway.) the seasons should be four! What happened to the era of love and peace Zuko was blabbering about?"

M:"Yeah! Now, I can see we're diving right in! NO icebreakers needed! Why am I talking like a sports reporter! Okay, back to normal...for now. Umm...yeah. Did like one of the books get trashed by some snotty no good school kid who randomly found it in a library and ikes to destroy property and hates Avatar and all awesomness in the world sneeze in it? Or possibly drown it? Throw it in a firepit? Feed it to a pitbull? I NEED TO KNOW! LOOK AT MY FACE! LOOK AT IT! ARE YOU AFRAID? What's that? 'a little...' TRY VERY!"

J:"RANT. RANT. RANT."

M:"RANT FOR YOUR LIVES!"

J:"okay, now that our sugary needs have been taken care of...

M:"With pudding parfeit..."

J:"So, Missy, what do you have to say about that?"

M:"bout what?"

J" About THAT."

M:"Oh...yeah...that. Totally! Yeah...Aang looks totally pink and crumpled."

J:"On my closet door? He looks weird."

M:"That's how he's supposed to look."

J:"Pink & crumpled?"

M:"umm...you said that. stop making me try to look like the weird one!"

J:"For those of you who haven't seen my room, (it would be weird if you have! STALKER!) I have pictures of all the Avatar dudes on my closet. I also have Sokka & his cactus juice on my door, with a sign with his friendly mushroom quote."

M:"m...we should move on...you're scaring them- 0_0"

J:"ARE YOU SCARED?"

M:"mhh...I would. Yes I mumble a lot."

"Okay, did anyone think the end was weird & horrible? Like my school? I thought it was good, but weird. They should have left out the shit with the lion turte & answer some questions we want answered. LIKE WHERE THE HELL IS ZUKO'S MOM?"

M:"YEAH! WHAT THE FLIP?

J:"ABOUT WHAT? oops, caps lock still on."

M:"I WILL TELL YOU WHAT! (and yes I purposley put the caps on! RAWR FEAR ME!) Okay: the lion turtle thing is messed up. They were never in the show before and I couldn't understand a word it was saying for the first five times, and I'm still confused with the whole surrendering your spirit to bend another. Wouldn't you like be dead? Also isn't that convineinet that Aang finds a lion turtle right before the battle, and he just decides to get like sick in the head and swim into the ocean at night aand he lands on it."

J:"He like, randomly gets AANGSTY! (disturbingly Zuko like Angst.) Why didn't he get AANGSTY right before the eclipse? I think the writers just made this up as they went along."

M:"Hey kids! Let's bring in a special guest, and a personal hater of mine even though I'm an obsessed fan."

J:"Ok, I know my line, but DON'T CALL THEM KIDS! IT's WEIRD!"

J:"HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRES TOPH!"

TOPH:"Missy, I hate you.

J:"What do ya have to say about THAT?"

M:"(sniffles)(cries) (blowing nose) Well...I have...these...dreams...and Toph's always in them...and...she hates me...no matter what I do...I love her! Why do you hate me?"

T:"Because."

J:"I had a dream where she didn't hate you. We were in this house that had a graveyard in back, but they dug out all the corpses & left the holes & tombstones (I have disturbing dreams!) & a bunch of ppl (including you, the entire Avatar cast, & some random Disney stars) were there & a bunch of skaters came by with FAKE BABY PARTS & then a baby vampire rolled itself across the street & I freaked & dove behind the couch & nobody thought the vampire was weird! Ok, yeah, Toph didn't hate you."

M:"She does. Just ask. Okay, in my dreams I don't remember too much anymore but: I was at a sleepover with you and then Toph showed up and she told me I looked young and totally avoided me, then this other time we were in my school (it looks like a 3 story prison) and a dude was like trying to murder me and I don't think she cared too terribly much, then there was another one when she just purley hated me. mh. It's true."

J:"Okay, so Toph, how do you feel about the ending?"

T:"I thought it focused on Aang too much."

J:"He's the main character."

T:"And yet nobody cares about him."

M:"What about Harry Potter? There's nothing extraordinary about him, & everyone loves him."

J:"Yeah, Aang's pretty extraordinary & no one cares."

T:"Harry's THE BOY WHO LIVED."

M:"So? I lived too."

J:"From WHAT? I'm your best friend, you need to tell me this stuff!"

T:"Yeah, I don't really care..."

M:"THANKS!"

T:"Well, I got stuck on top of a giant airship with Sokka & Suki, I still don't know what the heck is up with her."

M:"Is it me, or does she get stupider every episode we see her?"

J:"Sokka gave her stupid disease."

M:"STEALER! I said that!"

T:"Okay, I gotta go pick my toes. Later."

M:"That pretty much wraps up our show for today. Please remember to reduce, reuse, & recycle."

J:"And abortion is murder. Do not forget that. Okay, Missy & I have to decide what to have for lunch! Bye!"

_SUGARY NEEDS! Theme song plays & fades out as JETTE & MISSY give each other a high five & goes to eat lunch._


	2. Why is Avatar on Nick, Sid?

**Hello. Welcome to the Rant.**

GET YOUR POPSICLES! GET YOUR POPSICLES! GET YOUR COTTON CANDY! THEY BOTH TASTE THE SAME!

_The scene opens up to a bright room with white plush carpeting and teal walls. The decor is slightly goth/emo, even though the room looks cheery. Two teenage girls, one brunette in all teal, and a weird redhead in a fancy purple top sit on a blue couch. They both look slightly bored, but then smile crazily._

Jette: "Hello. Welcome to the rant."

Missy: "I don't want to say welcome, th_at_'s tacky. I want to offer you good people a pineapple!" (a sign of hospitality!) (then makes a thumbs up, smiles creepily)

J: ..."yes. So, today we are ranting about the fact that Avatar is on Nick."

M: "elodeon."

J: "WHATEVER."

M: "So, a, well, I don't think that Nick dwellers can handle the epicness of the series."

J: "Yes, Mattel says the main viewers of Avatar are male-ish human beings between the tiny ages of 6-11. Yes, because my six year old little brother SO TOTALLY knows why Sokka is in his underwear waiting for Suki."

M: "You don't have a brother."

J: "I'm speaking HYPOTHETICALLY."

M: "What does that mean?"

J: 'glares' "But would they seriously know the reason behind that?"

M: "Seeing a chick naked, that's what they know."

J: "Well, they have a computer, they don't need a TV show for that."

M: "Mhee!"

J: "Hey, to talk to us, let's bring in a random six year old!"

_(At this, Zuko randomly stalks in.)_

J: "ZUKO! What the french toast? you're supposed to be in a completely different story at the moment!"

Zuko: 'stares at her and says nothing'

M: 'waves creepily at Zuko'

M: "MEOW!"

_(The random six year old hiphops in)_

6: "HI! I'm six! My name's Sid! Like the sloth!"

Z: 'stares at Sid The Sloth like he wants to make a fur coat out of him'

M: "Soooo! Zuko, so good to see you! Sid...that's just charming that you're named after...a cartoon sloth..."

S: "This is the end. Of Sid." **-taken from Ice Age 3, one of the few enjoyable moments in that kiddie movie of death and despair.**

J: "...Yes. Okay, then. So, Litte Child..."

M: "litte?"

J: "I'm french, okay?"

M: "really?"

J: "I'm speaking with a slight french accent."

M: "You don't know how to!"

J: "I'm speaking in a BRITISH accent!"

M: "That's not a British accent!"

_(Jette and Missy continue their stupid argument. Zuko looks at Sid, who has a creepy smile on his face, and looks like he wants to kill himself when he realizes he has to take over.)_

Z: "Alright, since there is a catfight over there..."

S: "CATFIGHT!"

Z: "Okay, you shut up, you little..."

J: 'runs back in and tries to do something that won't get her fired' "OKAY! Let's continue with our discussion!"

Z: "WHAT discussion?"

J: 'slaps him and pushes him onto random couch that appears'

M: "Don't hurt Zuzu! He's fragile!"

Z: "WHAT? What? W-H-A-T!" (That is one word, we spelt it out for dramatic effect.)

J: "Okay, that's it, I quit!"

M: "Okay! It's always been my dream to run something like this!"

Z: "But I liked Jette! She didn't call me Zuzu!" 'starts murdering Missy, who screams like a cat'

J: "Okay, fine, Sid, what did you think of Avatar?"

S: "Um, well, it was, actiony, it had some like, cool kung fu, karate, sure."

J: "They weren't really using kung fu and karate..."

M: "well, sort of."

J: "Well, there you have it, folks, six year olds don't really understand. So, they should have put it on a thing for older audiences."

Z: "Hello, why am I here then?"

M: "We didn't invite you, you just came from one of Jette's other stories. But I'm happy you're here, now I don't have to think about Sloth-boy so much."

S: 'walks away'

Z: "Well, I just am not that happy that all my pain and suffering is shown to little sloth children who don't get it. I feel wasted. That's all."

J: "Okay! That's all the time we have! We're gonna go watch the Simpsons now."

**Jette drags Missy away from Zuko forcefully to go watch little yellow people be stupid, even though it was Missy's idea to watch it.**


	3. The FAIL Movie Ranting Part 1!

**Jette & Missy are back! **

_oh yeah._

**The scene opens up into the redesigned Rant Talk Space. There is new white shag carpeting, one teal wall & one aqua wall. (Fruity!) Jette, wearing her prom dress, & Missy, wearing a white pencil skirt & fuchsia pumps and sitting with her legs crossed & looking overly perky, are sitting on a bright red (NOT sangerine) couch. In front is a glass coffee table with political magazines on it. There is an identical black couch to the left, & a bright pink chaise lounge chair to the right.**

Jette: "Hello...Welcome. To. The Rant." _duh du DUH! _

Missy: "Welcome (ahhh!) to our highly informative, splendid, opinionated, enthralling, over descriptive, RANDOM, yet serious, NESS!

_'When Jette came back from getting her Mountain Dew, she screamed QHAT!' **STOP ADVERTISING!**_

J: "So today, we were forced to babysit little Sid the Slothboy, once again."

Sid The Sloth: _'appearing at Jette's feet, meowing suggestively' _"Hey everyone!"

M: _'slaps' "_Quiet. Go play with your yarn, little kitty. MWAHAHAHA!"

J: "ANYWAY, since we were forced to entertain him, we thought we would take him to see THE LAST AIRBENDER." _FAIL, because Avatar was already taken!_

M: "So, it started out trying to get our little sloth cat thing to stop playing with his pink socks and get into our aqua hybrid and listen to alternative metal on the radio. But being the sloth thing he is, it took forever and we missed the first showing of the movie, so we got our overpriced tockets which didn't even include 3D costs, and stand around by cardboard retired spy things, waiting for the already failworthy Last Airbender movie in the large concrete torture chamber, aka the lobby. If the tockets cost so much then why are the floors cheap concrete? Tacky!"

J: "After we waited for my friend to get her kiddie meal (she's the oldest of us all) and we finally settled down in the theater, Slothboy kept harrassing the Mexican Ambassador to Indonesia, who was there with his Elderly Hat club."

M: "Then, FINALLY, the movie started."

J: "The second the earthbender started...karate choppin the ground...I was like...no. No."

M: "I realized the already failworthy movie failed when the Star Wars scrolly read thing showed up. As epic as Avatar is, it's not that epic, also small children can't read, so FAIL! I was sick of hearing 'Mommy, I can't read! What's the weird lady word thing star wars rip off thing say?' that was major fail. Do they not know the world is somewhat illiterate?"

J: "Let's move on. I would like to state that as big of a fail I thought the movie was, the clothing for the Southern Water Tribe was very believable. (I should know. I had to study Eskimos DURING THE SUMMER!)"

M: "Jumping ahead a bit, they replaced personality with mittens! I mean, it takes work to remove and restrict personality, and it also takes skill to make mittens with three fingered mittens. Obviously they spent too much work on this movie. FAIL!"

J: "Alright, the PERSONALITY RANT. First of all, I TOTALLY called Mr. Jasper Cullen **(aka, Jackson RAAAAthbone.) **couldn't pull off our beloved Sokka. AND I WAS RIGHT."

M: " Technically, it's not his fault, it's the director's, but he's the one who agreed to get paid to ruin a beloved television series that many grew up with, well scratch that, it was ended suddenly, but he basically ruined everyone's lives."

J: "I noticed Jasper suddenly acquired a southern accent in the third Twilight movie (Which we saw yesterday! Flashback! FAIL!) and I was extremely worried it would make a cameo appearance. No, but the vampire paleness, blandness, & large amounts of off-screen time followed him. I'm like, this is NOT our Sokka. Our Sokka drinks cactus juice & get high off of sarcasm. SOCA is this boring, rat-tailed, twenty-five year old pedophile."

M: "Soooccaaa is like ooo, I'm like hot and have a pony tail, and I like don't care, because I care about my sister, who's like a shorty ten year old shrimp thing, and I'm like the hot older brother that gets all the young chicks, but I really don't care because I'm in charge and there's a war, and I have a duty to full fill, so forget all this fun sarcasm stuff, because you losers who made me popular are stupid, and I've matured, and so should you, because I said so, and I'm special."

J: "Alright now that our watery childs of destiny have been taken care of, let us move onto the infant himself, Baby Aang. Or as my friend HOSIAH says, UNG."

M: "Well, where to start? He didn't ask to go penguin sledding with our dull un-romantic heroine, he's not cheerful, and his shoes are whack! Also, dude, the kid is like four foot nothing! By the way, he had like really long eye lashes, though it really doesn't matter. He was way too serious and quiet, la duh. I don't blame the actor for any of this though, it's not his fault, but once again he went along with it. When he was in the igloo he suddenly was very cheerful like he was supposed to be for like five seconds, but then we were left disappointed with focused gray eyes once again. This is sorrow folks. Sorrow. Let down. The happiness was sucked out of our beloved television characters. Aang would be dissappointed in Ung." (nods head in shame)

J: "Correct. He didn't enjoy fun. Soca did not enjoy sarcasm. Katara was just a fail. And then there was our fiery friends who came out of nowhere. For the record, I actually liked what they did with Zuko's scar. I found the anime scar to be quite blobby & unbelievable. But Iroh, or EEEROW, was fail. Just fail. 'cries' Iroh needs to be a fat, happy, tea-loving grandfatherly loving dude who doesn't have dreadlocks. The first time he came on screen I'm like, Who the heck are YOU? (My elder friend with the kiddie pack told me. I threw popcorn at her.)"

M: "I don't have much to add to our weird young pirate Eerow dude, so I will move onto Captain MuttonChops, if you don't know who that is, fail."

J; "Nobody remembers the mutton chops BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T IN THE MOVIE!"

M: "Excuse me, there's too many funnies and abridged, so I get confused! Anyhow the first thing I thought when I saw Commander Zhao, or Zhawo, was dude, where's the mutton chops? FAIL! Also Ozai lost his lovely locks, and all these firenation dudes had short hair, and no little pony tail things at the top of their heads. I saw this fail movie twice, so I started to notice the details, like that all fire nation shoulders had goatees. Yeah, talk about weird."

J: "May I move onto...HARU! _'Missy in background changing her pants: "HALLROO!"'_ Umm...well when Hallroo first came on screen, I thought it was a little girl with pigtails. When Missy told me 'That is Haru' I flipped out so much the hot Verizon Wireless dude NATHANIEL threw his licorice at me."

M: "Well, you weren't freaking out when he came on so I figured you didn't know."

J: "I THOUGHT it was a random little girl! And I don't care about Suki! & to show how much I hate this new Hallroo compared to our beloved mustached Haru, I will bring in both & Hallroo will take his place in the Pink Torture Chair of DOOM!"

_'Hallroo walks in in all his childish ways and starts playing with SlothBoy._

M: "No Sid, bad Sid, bad kitty."

M: "And you will get rabies!"

Hallroo: "What's so bad about the Pink Torture Chair of Doom?"

J: "My boyfriend was imprisoned there after he cheated on me with his horse-girl. You don't see him anymore, do you?" 'rubs hands together'

M: "Do you, little pathetic boy, want to be seen by the gorgeous manly real deal Haru, playing kitten with little sloth boy do you? Unfriend the sloth creep NOW!"

_The REAL Haru walks in, in all his mustachio godliness. He sees Hallroo & forces him into the Pink Torture Chair of DOOM, where Jette's lying boyfriend met his end. _**(I am ANGRY ppls, let me have this!)**

M: "Now what shall the sexy real Haru say..."

The REAL Haru: "Oh god, what was that FAIL movie? And when did I become Chinese?"

J: 'Shuffles Haru out'

M: "Soooo...what happened to the Mexicans?"

**This is not racism, this is randomness.**

**M**: Lack OF Romance: "FAIL! No Aang and Katara puppy love, no Suki smooches, no water and fire love glares, what is the avatar without romance?"

J: "I am a non-shipper, voting Team NOT SWITZERLAND & NEON PURPLE I am team Shut Up. So Missy, you will have to conduct the No-Romance rant by yourself. In the meanwhile, I am going to get myself some pudding parfait from craft services. You are on your own for the next fifteen minutes." _'runs'_

M: "MYISSY TIME! Well, I would like to bring in a special guest who had a huge role in the movie, the person I don't know the name of who played Azula!"

Person: Howdy?

M: "You're Texan?"

P: "I don't know, I don't even know my name, because you don't, and you made this."

M: " Oh, fair enough. Anyhow, tell us what your role is in this movie."

P: "I'm Zuko's evil younger sister, and the favorite child. I'm like first daughter yo."

M: "Ah, please explain your role further."

P: "Gladly! So, basically I snicker evilly for the agni KEE, enjoying my brother's misery and suffering. Then, I sit and snicker while trying not to go insane, hidden under scary makeup, and yeah, that's it yo."

_'Jette walks back in with pudding parfait in hand' (Missy went 'oh yummy i have pudding' when I wrote this.)_

J: "Who are YOU!"

P: 'leaves'

M: "She is just an evil schoolgirl assassin."

J: "...okay...that is all the time we have today because we must put Sid the Sloth to bed."

M: "Because he's getting...slothy."

J: "Please join us again tomorrow, or possibly the next day, for the second installment of THE FAIL MOVIE RANTING."

_'...leave.'_

**ENDING CREDITS AND COMMENTS:**

**We are aware that there are misspellings, but me meant them. We are confident in them. Grammar freaks, freak somewhere else.**

**We do not know anything about the actors, so yeah. Or ambassadors. Or phone company dudes. **

**...feel free to comment. Or help us babysit slothboy.**


	4. The FAIL Movie Ranting Part 2!

**beepbeep meepmeep eepbeepmeep meepbeep meep bebebubeep _beepbeep_mamemeeeeeeeeeeep meep**** beep BEEP! **

**Welcome to the Rant.**

**_Meep._**

**The scene opens up in the Talk Space, with Missy black hair extensions & neon pink highlights, _(Rawr.) _looking like a raccoon with her eyeliner, is sitting there randomly cussing into the thin air because she has been told to by the Internet! Jette has bumped up her hair & put in aqua highlights to emo-fy it. They are both wearing neon skinny jeans & tight, pre-destroyed band t-shirts on. Jette is making a grilled chicken sandwich.** Sizzle.

Missy: "Failure!" _Missy recently acquired a random English accent, so try to think this in an English accent. Unless you already do. Fail._

Jette: "Hello, & Welcome to THE FAIL MOVIE RANTING. PART II!"

M: "It has come to my attention that the teaser trailer has nothing to do with the movie. It's a little boy in pajamas twirling a stick around and dancing while trying to blow out candles. (which Hallroo cannot afford.)"

J: "It was a lot of flipping around, & nothing much happened. All anyone did in this movie is flip around trying to appear to be _(meepmeepmeep) _bending, but are just producing small, unimpressive product. To steal from PopRox, it would have been easier just to pick up some rocks & chuck em." (Takes polite bite of sandwich.)

M: "It must be brought to the general attention that the teaser trailer was never even in the mooovie. It was made most likely to be a little epic charade (does that even make sense?) or possibly was too lame to be in the film."

J: 'Finishes sandwich; uncorks bottle of fruit punch' "Alright, lets move on from the great failure this trailer-type thing was. Let's talk about our fiery childs in the Fire Nation, Eeerow, & Zuko. Or the fail movie version, Zuco." _FAAAAIL!_

M: "So, was I the only one waiting for Zuko to rip Katara's necklace of her little watery destinized neck after he so rudely beat her up which is frowned upon in most societies. I mean, it's so obvious that was when he was supposed to take it. Eerow probably wrote on a pink Post-It-Note: To-do: Eat, drink tea, style hair (normally, not emo-ly) (you'll scare girls with that craziness), and steal Katara's mother's necklace. But Zuco probably was too busy emo-fying his hair and not eating to steal it."

J: "He should have stolen her necklace after the business with Chinese five-year-old Hallroo."

M: "Too bad!"

J: 'googles Katara's necklace, & after ordering one from Hot Topic, shows Missy the Avatar Wiki page'

M: "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

J: "Let's move onto...lava lamps. Wait, SID! DID YOU MESS WITH THE AGENDA LIST?"

Sid The SlothBoy: 'appears out of the shadowy darkness, in a flourescently lit room' "Yes."

J: "Well, let's find something else to talk about...what type of emo is Zuko/Zuco?"

M: "Reader input is appreciated. Anyhow, we were watching these total poser-run emo classification videos, and we want to know: What type of emo is Zuko? Screamo emo? Skater emo? Goth emo? MySpace narcassist? Fat emos that hang out at McDonalds? Or a poser emo?"

J: "I know a fat, poser emo. She's also a drug addict. So do not follow in her footsteps. Also, there is a plastic emo, but neither Zuko or this chick matches the description, since it is classified as a hot girl, & Zuko is obviously not a girl, & this person is neither hot & is questionable female."

M: "I bet Azula's a dog person! Kittens are too adorable for her."

J: "Alright, well was I the only one who thought this Ung person was a terrible actor?"

M: "I thought he had bad...lines fed to his innocent little mouth."

J: "BOTH!"

Sid: "HI!" 'meows'

J: 'pounces Sid' " My friend HOSIAH thought UNG was impressive. HOSIAH is a terrible critic! He displayed NO emotion correctly without being weird! He had NO idea how to say anything! He was too emo to be happy, to busy lengthening his eyelashes! He-"

M: _I am going to cut you off! _"His eyelashes were already really long! & his SHOES!"

J: "... He also did not know how to bow. He did this weird ballet pose like he was going to summon a bull!"

M: "Espana! Also Zuco' little escape boat was quite fancy, and I saw no barking seal or penguin sledding! FAIL!"

J: "Also Zhou-dog never stole Zuco's crew! & Eeerow pushed Zuco to get a girl more than in the series! I liked this improvement, but qhat?"

M: "Was the only person who noticed Zuco and Eerow discussing capturing Ung in front of an earth kingdom masseuse?"

S: "Hallroo likes talking to his masseuse!"

J: "Oh, & they forgot about Jun!"

M: "Jun is like a hot goth who's got it going on! She doesn't need a how to video on how to be 'on the scene' and how to say 'rad.'"

J: "I wonder how this shall affect the last fail movie...Jun will not be there to guide them to Eeerow's smelly feet. Well, at this point, the finale will practically have to be re-written anyway."

M: "Hey! Let's bring in TOPH!"

_'Toph walks in' _

J: "What? No! I was in charge of the special guests this week! I chose Sokka! & his fail clone, Jackson **Raaaa**thbone!"

_'Raaaathbone walks in. The REAL Sokka walks in & eyes Jackson. He attacks with his fail boomerang'_

Sokka: "You can't be me, you rat-tailed vegetarian! & you're allergic to sarcasm!"

Toph: 'absent-mindedly pulls Sokka off Soca'

Jette: "So, Soca first, why exactly did you decide to play Sokka like such a failure?"

Soca: _'speaks with random Jasper Texas accent' _"Well, you see, I was just so used to playing Jasper Cullen-Hale, & being all spaaarklay, playing a sarcastic Inuit was sounding difficult, so I just decided not to try."

Toph: "Boo."

Sokka: "You FAIL! You besmudged my name & changed it!"

J: "So did all the actors choose to do this?"

Soca: "No. A few were just terrible at acting. Like Catara."

Sokka: "FAAAAAIL!"

M: "Soooooo, which one of you sent Toph a secret love letter?"

Soca, Sokka, & Toph: "QHAT?"

M: "That's right, I knooow one of you did!"

Toph: "I hate you."

J: "Actually, I was thinking about bringing Teo in to talk about how fail it is his home was reduced to a creepy old guy who turned Ung in & carried random knives & money around, & he said something about that."

Toph: 'blushes'

Soca: "Omg! Toph has...feelings?" _spoken with an English-Texan accent'_

Sokka: Oh my god! You DO have a personality!"

Toph: "Wanna say that to my face, PRETTY BOY?"

Soca: "How do YOU know what I look like?"

_'Toph attacks Soca, the REAL Sokka puts Slothboy on his shoulder & waves a lighter around'_

M: "SOKKA! This isn't a concert! It's a wrestling match!"

J: "Alright, well Toph, how do you think your character should be portrayed & how it will actually turn out?"

M: "Because it's two entirly different things!"

J: "By the way, we already named your fail character Taffy."

Soca: "Laaaffy Taaaaffy!"

Toph: "Grr! I eat rocks for breakfast!"

M: "So!"

Toph: "Well I think I should be hot for one, have spunky blonde hair, and glowing red eyes."

Sokka: "Do you know what colors look like?"

Soca: "Yeah, are you blind?"

Toph: "Let me think about that...YES! Idiot! Anyhow, I'll probably be some little girl with puffy black hair, hazel eyes, and pom poms in my hair. I'd look absolutely ludicrous!"

All: "Yeah..."

_'Teo walks, wheels in'_

Toph: "TEO!"

Teo: "Hiya!"

M: "Hi you're weird!"

_'Toph throws herself into Teo's lap & they hotrod out of the place while Missy runs after them screaming & shaking her fist'_

M: "Come back here you *bleepers* you rad little lovers! I bet you're headed to the scene, aren't you *bleepers* ? *BLEEP*!"

J: 'is still sitting & sipping tea/fruit punch nonchalantly' "Yes, EmoWorldTV. com told us we must curse regularily. *bleep* "

Soca & Sokka: 'too afraid of Missy & Jette to move, let alone speak'

Sid The Sloth: "MySpace!"

M: "*Bleep* it! They got away! *Bleep* that's so unrad!"

J: "I think we're out of time. Thank you for watching this two-part installment of

THE FAIL MOVIE RANTING PART II.

& please join us again for

THE EPICALLY FAILING EARTH KINGDOM PART."

*We love all types of people, we don't discriminate against any stereotypes, it's just all meant to be for fun, so don't hate! Thanks! *We don't hate websites or actors either! *& we don't own Avatar! *To all: Or DO we?

-The Meep Beep Song belongs to tophrocker. _Who is a musical genius! **Obviously...**_

& this is Jette. I am an amazing cooker of chicken sandwiches & fruit punch/tea combinations.

& we are the Sokkas!

**FAIL!**


	5. Reviewing The Movie, Oh Hallroo!

_Everyday is fluffy!_

**_AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!_**

**The Rant opens up in Jette's room, in a sea of purple things. Wine glasses hang from the ceiling, sapphires are embedded into the epic walls with Pokemon posters. (And diamonds!) Cats are doing acrobatics, and Missy has just chucked DreamLife Superstar at the television to stop THE LAST FAILBENDER playing. (For some reason, Jette's parents gave her the DVD for Easter. INSTEAD OF CANDY.) **_But Dev Patel is sweeter than candy!_

**Jette is wearing a bedazzled black tshirt and a pink tutu, and an aqua headband holds her mermaid hair back. Missy wears a hybrid between satin and velvet black bejeweled dress with only one sleeve, yes, one sleeve, with sparkly stupid tights and childreny black shiny flats with Medusa hair. Deal with it. They are eating crepes and pineapple cupcakes_. (Pineapples are the sign of hospitality. In cake form_.) They are creating their own manga and discussing murder novels when the camera crew opens the door. **

Missy: "The wheat is in your hands children...make fluffy cake with it!"

Jette: "And chuck the cake at this fail movie!"

M: "Welllll, you know how boredom makes children do foolish things...well, Jette and I wandered into the viewing of Dev Patel and friends in their latest fiasco on said Easter bunny recieved DVD...not blu ray people."

J: "We...there is no excuse. We wanted to watch it. Even just to make fun of it. And to make it worse, we...WE WATCHED THE SPECIAL FEATURES! 'cries'"

M: "Soca seemed overly mathematical in his explanation of penguin flipper distances to his lil' sista. Then he says "don't touch that sphere!" I mean, did this kid take geometry for fun? Did he take 'practical geometric vocabulary for everyday use class' or something? This of course is only after he hits the glowing ice beneath his feet! And dang Catara just tapped that sphere!"

J: "The Southern Water Tribe was SO photoshopped. And I was a little annoyed that the Water Tribe peeps wore realistic looking animal fur (even though none of them were Inuit, they were all white) but then GranGram-Cracker whipped out her map and it was basically a printout if you Google-Imaged WORLD OF THE LAST AIRBENDER MAP_." THE MAP OF FOOLISHNESS! _

M: "Appa is not a pure white beast. His fur has been muddied by computers that controlled the destiny of this fail motion picture. His toes are like bunny poop chopsticks. They sicken me."

J: "For the record, after watching SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (_which IS haunting my mind!)_ I am convinced that Dev Patel is a very impressive actor, who just had terrible lines. Also, Dev and Noah-Ung seemed to have a very good relationship on set. And people seemed to enjoy Raathbone and Mr. Dreadlocks. Everyone seemed to loathe Catara."

M: "Also Noah-Ung had some sick robotical moves to show to gag reel. It was seriously dope. Don't question his mad skillz. That is one talented child."

J: "Seriously, he was really good at the robot. But they forgot the get Dev Patel out of his ice-encasement thing when they shot that scene...poor Dev! Also, Nicola-Cat is so dim-witted she ran into a wire."

M: "Speaking of Catara, did anyone else notice that after they ditched the Southern Water Tribe and were running off to the Southern Air Temple she was all like "Ung says this..." blahblahblah, or whatever, then five seconds later she's talking to him and asks, "can you tell me your name?" Then he says, "Ung!" It's like um...how come you knew that five seconds ago, but not now? #FAIL. Yes, hashtags, while not on Twitter!"

J: "So personally, I had DEEP issues with Eeerow. He is NOTHING like Iroh! If he hadn't said that he was Dev Patel's uncle (I can't make fun of Dev. I just can't.) I would have had NO CLUE who he was. He was skinny. He didn't blabber on about tea. (or duck!)"

M: "He didn't even have a beard did he? No, wait, it was just a _pathetic_ beard! Plus, it looked like a dreadlock WIG! :O"

J: "Iroh needs to care about Zuko as his own son. Eeerow didn't care about Dev. (Beautiful Dev!) He squeezed his hand once, and pushed him to lose his virginity at sixteen! Also he told Zuko to meet a girl and settle down. With his uncle. Because it wouldn't be awkward to get married and have your dreadlocked uncle move in with you."

M: "Then we arrived at the Northern Air Temple-"

J: "Don't you mean the SOUTHERN Air Temple?"

M: "No. I don't."

J: "..."

M: "Simon-Judas (dude who replaces Teo and father) proclaims Ung's arrival creepily, then just hands him over for his bag of silver! This just seems biblical!"

J: "I'm Jette!"

Sid The Slothy Child: "Or ARE you?"

J: "So we have yet more to say on the epically failing Hallroo...OMG HE'S KOREAN!"

M: "Okay, so ignore the racism of Jette, whom in our summary of this story said that young Hallroo is Chinese. It was an epic win for me when she found out he was Korean, when I knew he was Korean, just by looking at him on the screen. She didn't believe me. From now on, I will just assume if she says someone is Chinese, that they're actually Korean. (sorry if this sounds racist, we love Asians! 3 )"

J: "I thought Hallroo was Chinese..."

M: "This is what happens when you just ASSUME people are Chinese! They end up Korean!"

J: "His name is Isaac Jin Solstein, his father ERIC described his role as 'pretty high up on the cast list.'"

M: "He is a very distinguished young gentleman, though I think his manliness should have had higher display in the film he was featured in, which we are discussing presently."

J: "He's ten! Oh, well. I just wanted to know if he was actually a boy and not some little Chinese girl...BUT NO! HE'S _KOREAN!"_

M: "Yes, he is a talented Korean-American boy playing "Earthbending Boy". Yeah. He's pretty much amazing, just not the ideal Haru in my mind."

J: "So I had no idea what toe make of the Africans. I mean, I thought it was really cool how they made the Air Nomads African-"

M: "They had some undescribable ethnicity in my mind."

J: "Seeing how many Africans are nomads or farmers, and have a more free sense of life than their Chinese OR KOREAN counterparts, I thought it was very cool to make the Air Nomads Africans. Though it is still unclear why Ung would be white."

M: "But then there's a random African Earth Kingdom Village. Wearing orange."

J: "In the deleted scenes, they had a party. Soca danced with some women, and Catara seemed unsure of herself. Ung snuck away from the festivities to talk to a totally poser Aunt WOOOOO, which was funny just because this scene was such a fail. It was the first time Ung showed emotion."

M: "Which is probably why they took it out of the movie."

J: "And...the Blue Spirit..."

M: "Should have shoved some frogs down Ung's throat and step on some crazy cat lady's cat."

J: "I LIKED the original Blue Spirit mask. It was based off of traditional Eastern Asian folklore (If I say Chinese it'll end up being from Korea...)"

M: "You are becoming wise."

J: "But the fail movie mask just makes him look like he died and spent a year decomposing in a muddy pond."

M: "Personally, I thought the hair on the wig made Zuco look too free and wild. He's an orderly angsty prince, not some hippee. Anyways, Zhou-dawg is a freak. No mutton chops = nothing to see. They should have given him the boot like they did everyone enjoyable. I mean, also he lets fog hold him down! It's FOG!"

J: "Was the Blue Spirit thingy actually AT the Northern Air Temple? Poor Teo, no gliding around free and carelessly. At least Haru MADE an appearance! He still got a paycheck! But Teo? Just chilling with the Freedom Fighters, yet more awesome people who didn't get in! But yeah, why would the base be IN the Temple? It was just of objects only an Airbender would use. At least take those out, if you're going to use it to capture an Airbender!"

M: "Zhou-Dog was lame man. He's a little child listening to Ozai. Ozai without his head banging glossly delicious locks...without that Ozai is nothing. His metal was taken away from him. Therefore, he lost respect."

J: "Zhou was off-character. The REAL Zhou was extremely cocky and full of himself, the fail Zhou-Dog seemed unsure of himself. And just tried to hard to be epic."

M: "Ozai's side burns were like swoopin' backwards man! That's not normal! But like, he had long hair, and it was taken away. Iroh had shortish hair, and then the long dreads took over, man! Insanity!"

J: "The real Ozai is a character; one of the only truly evil characters of Avatar. But in the movie, he loved his daughter. He expressed glee that his failure son was alive. Ozai does not love. He does not have compassion. OR glee. Also, in the show, they kept Ozai's face in the dark. This was a stroke of genius, it kept Ozai from taking over the show, but he was still a major threat, and it created an aura of fear when they refused to show his face. But in the movie they're just like, 'here's the Fire Lord and his awkward nose! He's just chillaxing in a random field! OF WHEAT!'"

M: "Also, previously, Zuco was getting a little too friendly with some local colony boys. Remember when he randomly called over that handsome youth and asked him to tell himself the story of his own life? Awkward!"

J: "Didn't that child know not to talk to strangers? Especially ones with little red riding hoods pulled scetchily over their face? Or have creepy dreadlock uncles with them? Zuco is such a pedophile! Asking some small child to tell him about his own Agni KEE."

M: "So, the Spirit World is pretty jank. There is no such thing as a lantern tree! Also, the dragon is like a giraffe! Yet again I will wonder what's up with Zuco's boat and lack of seals!"

J: "I don't know qhat was up with the Dragon-Giraffe hybrid. There was none in the show. I understand that they are not going to copy the show exactly, but some similarities besides a war and Zuko's name would be nice."

M: "..."

J: "We can talk about the Russians now."

M: "YES! I love Russians! I am not Russian, so I must make up for it!"

J: "...I'm Egyptian..."

M: "Kay...seriously, Russianism is everywhere in that movie! Everyone either has a Russian hat, a Russian attitude, or a Russian accent! This Russian obsession is most clearly seen in the Northern Water Kingdom with the local borgouise hats and fashions. I find this fascinating!"

J: "Yes, the Southern Water Tribe portrayed the Eskimos very well (besides the fact that they were all white, or possibly Vietnamese.) but the Northern Water Tribe played the Russians. And I don't know what was up with Pakku. In the deleted scenes he fights Catara, what is up with Shamalamadingdong and creepy pedophiles? And his singing! _'Whoooooo...'"_

M: "Then there's that largish warrior who gazes off into the waves of Fire Nation fleets...is he expecting death or victory? But yeah, seriously, what's up with Pakku? And all the clothes and everything magically turned blue in the Norther Water Kingdom!"

J: "Even Dev's hair! In the part where he's yet again being a pedophile and stalking Ung on a roof, it's like someone spilled blue paint in his hair! WHAT the heck?"

M: "How could Zhao-dawg stab the fish? And then in the gag reel, he kicks the fish? Have respect for the fish!"

J: "If you watch, VERY CLOSELY, when he scoops the fish up...he gets the _wrong_ fish. He gets the black fish, the OCEAN SPIRIT, while the white fish is just chillin in the back, completely unharmed. Then he stabs our friend the OCEAN spirit, and the moon disappears!"

M: "They're confused fish."

J: "I just realized the moon spirit made a horcrux out of Yue. He took part of his soul and attached it to Yue, so he could continue living. Evil, Voldemort fish. And people worship these freshwater aquatic swimmers. Koi."

M: "Watch there not even be a number dos movie, and Toph be some pigtailed personified hair puffed cheerleader!"

J: "There better me an Epically Failing Earth Kingdom Part...with the Boulder. Because he disapproves."

M: "Eat some cake children. Use commas, save some lives. Take it easy. Don't think we're racist. We're just us. Havin' fun, enjoying cake. You should do the same."

J: "Alright, get out of my room. Seriously. NOW!" _'chucks wine glasses'_

**Disclaimer: ulin anga jasin-ui abata leul , halu , saengseon Horcruxes , ttoneun debeu ui puleun peinteu ui ginagin silpae masibsio. uli neun , geuleona jasin-ui Hallroo anhseubnida .**

**'we all start snapping, then Sokka and Zuko come out and start singing'**

**"LU LA LU LA The piano is a melody in the world's field of blooming dreams****  
><strong>**Believe in the broken clock and who's side will time be on?  
>Because I want to hold you tight my dear one<br>Don't cry any more GOOD BYE SADNESS**

**The words on the mysterious door read "Ear-playing-tricks Cake  
>WONDERLAND! Welcome, to you FAIRYLAND! It's the magic of love<br>LOVE'S ALL THE WAY! Every day, the temptations of wheat, so fluffy**

**CAKE FOR YOU! Eat, for tonight is TEA FOR YOU! A tea-party in the constellations**  
><strong>The chorus of angels at the window is to you, just your ear playing tricks? The voice saying 'I love you, I love you'<strong>  
><strong>LU LA LU LA Everywhere the stove, even when the crescent moon rains down from the heavens<strong>  
><strong>Is thawing and giving a HUG to the freezing traveller's heart<strong>

**WONDERLAND! Welcome, for you FAIRYLAND! The joys of love  
>LOVE'S ALL THE WAY! Every day, the adventures in wheat, so exciting<strong>

**CAKE FOR YOU! A simple happiness TEA FOR YOU! With a big smile**  
><strong>The chorus of angels at the window is to you, just your ear playing tricks? The<strong>  
><strong>voice saying 'I love you, I love you'"<strong>

**Thanks for listening! Cake for you! Banish the sadness in your hearts fellow Avatards! We do not own this masterpiece of music, it is-**

**'Jette hits Missy over the head with a rubber bat'**

**BYEEEEEE!**


End file.
